


Could've Been

by petermarker



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: I intent to write this sad but it just went POOF, M/M, Mentioned Dong Si Cheng | WinWin, Mentioned Huang Ren Jun, Mentioned Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Mentioned Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Mentioned Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Mentioned Mark Lee (NCT), Nakamoto Yuta-centric, Sad Boys Club, Sad with a Happy Ending, Unrequited Love, Weddings, not as sad as i wanted to huft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:35:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29384961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petermarker/pseuds/petermarker
Summary: It’s the wedding of the only person he’s ever love, and Yuta uses his chance for one last dance.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun, Lee Taeyong & Nakamoto Yuta, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Kudos: 32





	Could've Been

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from H.E.R's song - Could've Been

The main reception has ended almost two hours ago, but the hall is still full with family and close friends, drinking, dancing, singing, with the two main characters of today events dancing together, laughing, adrenaline still high because the happiness surrounding them.

Yuta sips his drink, eyes never leaving the man with cream-white suits. Taeyong had insisted on pure white, but Johnny said that it would look too boring even if its pretty. They actually agreed on this colour, along with the same shade decorating the whole hall. Yuta had been there when they quarrelled about the colours, standing on the side, smiling watching them because that is who he is for Johnny and Taeyong—a spectator, someone on their side watching them, the best friend that unite them.

He never told them about his feeling—he knows Taeyong loves Johnny, and he knows Johnny returns the feeling. It’s enough for him seeing Taeyong, his best friend since school and the only man he’s ever loved, happy. Because that is what he always wants, honestly. Taeyong’s happiness. Yuta has been always there for him that he knows Taeyong deserves the loves and happiness he radiates today.

He gulps down a whole glass, still smiling, because he never thought he’ll be this pitiful. The couple now has moved to the centre, their friends surrounding them, encouraging them to dance and be romantic. Yuta can see Taeyong’s shy smile from his seat, he can see how Johnny leans down and whispered something to his husband—for sure Johnny is teasing Taeyong. From the corner of his eyes, Yuta can see Donghyuck, Johnny’s cousin, walking toward the bands and ask them something. Few seconds after that, the upbeat song that has been playing change into this slow, romantic song. The crowd gets rowdier as Johnny finally moves and put Taeyong’s hand around his neck while his circled Taeyong waist. Taeyong is fully hiding in his husband’s shoulder, while Johnny is laughing to the crowd. Yuta can hear his, “Happy now, Doyoung-ah?” vaguely, while Kim Doyoung, one of their friends, laughing his ass off at the embarrassed Taeyong with his phone in his hand recording the whole thing.

“Not gonna join the party, Best Man?”

Yuta scoffs. “Pot calling the kettle black,” he mocks. Ten leans his body against the chair, just like Yuta. In his hand is two glass of wine, which he gives one to Yuta. Ten sips his peacefully, eyes never leave the main couple.

“They look happy,” Ten comments.

“It’s their wedding,” Yuta replies. “Gonna be weird if they weren’t.”

“Well, true,” Ten takes another sip. “In other weddings the Best Men supposed to be as happy as the couple,” he glances at Yuta. “But look at you.”

“Look at _us_ ,” Yuta rephrase. “Or, yeah, look at me. I forgot that you already move on.”

Ten hums. “Taeyong asked me earlier, whether I saw you or not,” he says. “Johnny did, too.”

“I know,” Yuta answers. “I’ve heard that at least five times since the ceremony ended.”

“Where were you?”

“Everywhere,” Yuta’s hand makes a vague gesture. “Greeting people here and there, flirting, eating, drinking. Talking with Johnny’s mom, playing with Taeyong’s nephew. The Best Man thing.”

“Those weren’t—whatever,” Ten sighs. “I can see that you are avoiding them, Yuta.”

“I’m not,” Yuta says. “It’s their wedding. And now I am in their view—look, Taeyong just waved to us.”

He returns the wave to Taeyong. He sees his best friend gestures him to come, but Yuta points at his glass and Ten beside him, and Taeyong mouths a, ‘later’. Yuta gestures an ‘okay’.

“You okay?”

“As okay as I could be, honestly.” There’s no point lying to Ten when the younger man was the one with him when he drinks himself to death in heartbreak nearly four years ago. Ten was also the one that understands how Yuta feels because, well, he is basically the same. The difference is that Ten had confessed to Johnny when he realized that Johnny and Taeyong getting more serious about their relationship. This did cause three months full of awkwardness before Ten finally gather his shits together and be himself again. But Yuta still saw the sadness on the younger eyes whenever the four of them gathered. At least now Ten has found someone.

Unlike Yuta.

“Ten,” Yuta says. “Will it be okay if I let it out tonight?”

Ten is silent for a few seconds. “Is it the alcohol? Or have you been thinking about it the whole day?”

“The whole week,” Yuta corrects. “I don’t think I’ll be free from myself if I didn’t tell him.”

“I don’t know, honestly,” Ten says. “Just, make it so that you do not ruin their day.”

“Are you taking me for a fool?” Yuta scoffs. “I know that.”

“When are you gonna do it?”

Yuta puts his glass on the table and stand up. “Right now. Come on, you take Johnny, I take Taeyong.”

“Wait, what???” Ten splutters. “Wait, Yuta!”

.

.

.

.

“Oi.”

Both Johnny and Taeyong turn their head toward Yuta. Behind him Ten is rolling his eyes and scoffing. “Were you two arguing again?”

“Nope,” Yuta says. “You did call me, though,” he continues. He postures himself in a mocked bow. “Now, will the great Groom #1 let me take his husband, Groom #2, also the best friend of my life, to have a dance with me?”

“What about me?” Johnny fakes a hurt. “You don’t want to dance with me?”

“You’ll be dancing with me, you big goof,” Ten retorts. “Come on, let’s dance with your best man!”

Ten successfully drags Johnny away from them. Yuta hears a ‘boo’ from Donghyuck, but one look from Ten shuts him up. He hears Taeyong chuckles, a soft, melodious sound he always loves to hear. He turns his full attention to Taeyong, and says, “Will you?”

“Don’t be silly,” Taeyong rolls his eyes. “Come on.”

They dance to the song. It has changed again, Yuta notices. The tempo is a bit faster than before, but it still has the same slow, mellow vibe as before. Yuta puts his hands on Taeyong’s waist, and Taeyong has his on Yuta’s shoulder.

“I didn’t see you since your speech,” Taeyong says. “Where were you?”

“Here and there, entertaining guests. Drinking the wine. The wine is perfect, by the way.”

“The wine was chosen by _you_.”

“Yes, of course. That is why; perfect.”

Taeyong laughs.

They enjoy the song, laughing when they see Ten and Johnny started to get ridiculous and suddenly do a popping with this song. Yuta points at Taeyong’s little brother. “Your brother keeps hesitating asking Donghyuck for a dance,” he says. “At his point Donghyuck will snap and asks him first and then Mark will get all flustered and he’ll end up embarrassing himself.”

“Nothing new,” Taeyong says. “Mark always manages to embarrass himself in front of Donghyuck.”

“Hmmm,” Yuta hums. “Just like how you always embarrass yourself in front of Johnny, huh?”

“God, that was years ago!” Taeyong slaps his arm playfully. “When will you stop bringing it up?”

“Probably never,” Yuta grins. “You were so adorable, back then.”

He takes a deep breath.

“You were so adorable, back then,” he repeats. “And now you are glowing.”

“I’ve heard that multiple times today,” Taeyong says. “But hearing it from you… it’s weird.”

“Oh? Am I that special?”

Taeyong rolls his eyes. “You do realize that you rarely compliment me, right?”

“Well, its your wedding,” Yuta retorts. “Complimenting you is a must.”

“Compliment me more, than.”

“That’s easy,” Yuta takes a deep breath. “You are glowing today. You look so lovely today. But you always look lovely, you know that? You are quite adorable too, especially when you were sleep deprived and couldn’t tell the difference between your hoodie or Johnny’s so you always ended up wearing hoodie two times your size and drown in them.”

Yuta can see that Taeyong is frowning, but he continues.

“You also have a pretty heart, you know? So kind. So selfless. Sometimes I do wonder how your brain works because you always put yourself behind other, even when its inconvenient to you. You also give yourself less credit than you deserve.”

“Yuta, wait—,”

“Let me finish,” Yuta cuts him. “You are hardworking. Me and Johnny saw how you battle against yourself to be where you are today. Honestly, even sometimes I got tired watching you, but then you managed to reach your dream and be who you are today… seriously, I am proud of you. And I am happy for you. I am sure everyone in this room are, too.”

He sees that Taeyong eyes start to waters, and it make him laughs.

“Oh my God, don’t cry!” he says. “Johnny will kill me if he found out.”

“I am not crying,” Taeyong says, but Yuta hears a sniffle on his voice. “Those were too much, I didn’t expect those.”

“Well, I didn’t think I’m gonna say all those too,” Yuta shrugs. “But you did ask me to compliment you. I’m just being honest. Just don’t be such a bighead over it.”

“I thought you said I am kind?”

“Well people could change.”

“Seriously,” Taeyong huffs. “You never change.”

“Do I?”

“Yeah,” Taeyong nods. “You are always so nice and considerate—,”

“Are we exchanging compliments, now? Because if we are, then I’m sorry but I will give you back to your husband this instant. Ten’s wrath be damned.”

“Hey,” Taeyong pouts. “Rude.”

The song changed again. Yuta recognize this one. “This is the song that Johnny played when he proposed, right?”

“Yeah,” Taeyong answers softly. “I like this song.”

Johnny and Ten are still dancing. The crowd has dispersed into small circles now. Mark is still looking at Donghyuck full with adoration, while the target is busy laughing with his friends. Ten’s boyfriend, Kun, is standing on the side, talking to one of Donghyuck’s friend. He doesn’t look like he cares that his boyfriend is dancing with the man he used to love before. But Yuta knows that Kun is a mature, patient man. And he also loves and trust Ten so much. Their relationship is beautiful.

“I am glad that Ten looks so happy,” Taeyong breaks the silence. “I was kinda worried, you know, of Ten reaction when he heard about… this.”

“About your wedding?” Taeyong nods. “That’s stupid.”

“No, it’s not,” Taeyong frowns. “You saw how Ten was like back then. I was just, feel guilty, I guess?”

“That stupid,” Yuta huffs. “He’s fine. He’s happy for Johnny, he’s happy for you two.”

“Oh? And you are so sure, because?”

“Because I understand how he feels.”

The song stops. Behind them Donghyuck is cheering because one of his friend walks to the stage and sits behind the piano. And then the melody starts again. But Yuta doesn’t care about what surrounds them. Because he feels Taeyong stiffen in front of him, eyes widen in surprise.

“Yuta—? Wha—?”

He stops the dancing.

“I honestly don’t want to ruin your day,” he smiles. “But then I thought, hey, its now or never, right?”

He leads them dancing again, Taeyong unconsciously just following his steps.

“I’ve been in love with you, for, well, years,” Yuta tries to keep his voice stable. He doesn’t look into Taeyong eyes, too afraid to find out what he’s gonna see. So he continues his confession. “Maybe because you are my first friend. Then you are my first best friend. And then we got thrown into college and you were always there in my darkest time. Maybe because we are always together for so long that falling in love with you just came naturally and casually.

“I used to wonder, you know, what it be like if it were me and you. Will you be this happy? Will us be happy? I was too afraid to lose you, you know. Us being best friend and all. I thought it was enough. Then Johnny came and you both fall in love and, well, there’s nothing I can do. Not when the both of you are important figures in my life. I cannot ruin your happiness for my selfishness. And seeing you happy is my priority. I just never thought that moving on from someone you’ve been loving for years took this long. “

Yuta sighs. “I really ruined your day, am I?”

“Yuta, I—God, I need time to process.”

Yuta frowns. “You actually don’t have to. What to process, anyway? You don’t have to say anything, or do anything. I am sorry for being selfish, but, well, I don’t have much choice. Maybe I just want to be free from my own feeling. I am sorry if this spoil your mood. I understand if you want to kick me out—”

“Don’t be stupid!” Taeyong snaps. “I was just surprised. That’s all.”

“Well, don’t,” Yuta says. “What’s to be surprised about it? You get confessed to three times a week. I thought you are used to it by now.”

“Be serious, will you?”

“No,” Yuta says. “Because if I do, then you’re gonna end up crying, and I am gonna end up crying, and then Donghyuck will record this all and use this to blackmail me—”

“Stop, stop!” Taeyong says. “God, you are so infuriating.”

“No, I am not, you just said that I am kind.”

Taeyong doesn’t reply. Yuta sags in relief when he notices that Taeyong isn’t as stiff as before, and it’s clear on his face that he isn’t feeling bad after everything that Yuta just said.

“You are taking this pretty well,” he says. “Well, the never-ending confessions did come in handy at this situation, huh?”

“No, it’s not that,” Taeyong sighs. “Maybe, I just always… knows. But never really think about it.”

“Understandable,” Yuta nods. “Well, I am glad I didn’t ruin a good atmosphere here.”

“You didn’t,” Taeyong says. “And you’ll never be.”

Yuta smiles.

“Now, I need you to listen to me, okay?” Taeyong says. “And don’t interrupt me, don’t tease me, don’t cut my word. Let me talk.”

Yuta nods.

“You are such an amazing person,” Taeyong starts. “You always have a big heart. I am honoured that you share these feelings to me. Seriously, Yuta, thank you,” he says.

“I know I am being heartless right now—do not interrupt my word!” Taeyong pinches his arm. “I just can’t believe that I never really aware about it. Had I known about it—I will—I don’t know. God. Maybe you can move on earlier and be happy now.”

“I am happy now,” Yuta grumbles. “And please, just, I don’t know. Stop? You are not making sense. I can see that you just what to cheer me up, but honestly, I am aware of what I am gonna face when I decided to tell you this.”

“Okay.”

“And I _am_ happy,” Yuta says. “Seriously. Why wouldn’t I? My two best friends, which, one of them has always been by my side since forever, finally get to married the love of his life. Seriously, Taeyong, I am happy. This is not some kind of façade to make you feel not guilty.”

“Okay,” Taeyong repeats. “Okay.”

The song has stopped, again. Now Donghyuck’s friend stand up and leave the stage, in turn, Doyoung and Jaehyun replace him; Jaehyun behind the piano and Doyoung taking the mic.

“How are you feeling right now?”

“Lighter, for one.” Yuta answers sincerely. “And relieved, too.”

Taeyong smiles. “I’m glad.”

They can hear Donghyuck ‘boo’-ed, mocking Doyoung. The older looks ready to snide some witty remarks to him, but Jaehyun beats him by starting to play the piano.

“I believe that you’ll get someone way better than me,” Taeyong says, softly. Jaehyun is playing _Je te laisserai des mots_ now, and Doyoung trying his best singing in French (which, honestly, sounds good because he’d been spending the last three months in Paris). “You do know that you also deserve to be happier, right? Maybe Ten can introduce you to someone.”

“Are you kidding me?” Yuta gasps in fake disbelieve. “You want Ten, out of all people, to introduce me to someone? Just because he snatches himself a Qian Kun doesn’t mean that Ten knows good people. It’s Ten we’re talking about. All people he knows are weird.”

“Including us?”

“Especially us,” Yuta says. “Just, look. You are dancing to your best friend that just confessed that he’s been in love with you for years on your wedding day. Your husband is dancing to a man that used to love him while the said man boyfriend is watching with ease from the side, and your brother still hasn’t managed to asked his crush to dance. Doesn’t all of that feels weird for you?”

“It’s honestly normal,” Taeyong laughs. “It’s a wedding. And Ten isn’t that bad.”

Yuta rolls his eyes. “Nope. I am gonna find it my own. Maybe someone younger. And taller.”

“Totally opposite, huh?”

“Or freakingly similar, we still wouldn’t know,” Yuta shrugs. “But he wouldn’t be some kind of replacement of you. I will make sure of that.”

“I am sure of that,” Taeyong assures. “Like I said, you have a big heart. I am sure you’ll managed to love someone wholly and whole heartedly without any mean that he’d be some kind of replacement.”

From the corner of his eyes Yuta can sees that Ten and Johnny are walking closer to them, laughing. Yuta turns to them, and when he sees Ten raises an eyebrow, asking, he nods.

Ten smiles. Even he can see the relief in both parties.

“I am giving you back to your husband,” Yuta says.

Taeyong turns his head and sees Johnny. He smiles, hands leaving Yuta and automatically reaching for his husband. “Sweet,” Yuta says. Taeyong shoves him, and Yuta gives him a big smile when he sees no guilt or regret in Taeyong’s face.

“You are taking my husband pretty long, Best Man,” Johnny jokes. “Any longer and he’s gonna forget about me.”

“He will not,” Ten retorts. He shoves Johnny to Taeyong. “There, go back to your man. I am bored of you. I’m going to back to my man.”

“And what about me?” Yuta whines.

“Go get yourself a man,” Ten rolls his eyes. “I’m gonna dance with Kun. Yuta, you coming?”

“You go first,” Yuta says. “Hush, go.”

“Rude.”

Ten walks away from them, and Yuta turns his body to Johnny and Taeyong. Both of them were looking at each other deeply, and Yuta feels like an intruder. But he’s also been friend with them for years. So he fakes a cough and let out a long groan.

“Stop being dramatic,” Johnny says. “What now? You want to dance with me?”

“Hell no,” Yuta scoffs. “I am going to be sappy, so,” he takes Johnny’s and Taeyong’s hand into his, and says, “I am happy for you two. And when you guys finally decided to adopts, I dib as the Godfather, okay?”

“Oh, Yuta, you are so cute,” Johnny coos. He pulled Yuta closer, and suddenly the three of them are hugging.

“What the fuck,” Yuta hisses. Beside him, Taeyong is laughing, and hugging him just as tight as his husband.

“Thank you, you know,” Johnny says after letting him go. “We wouldn’t be here if its not because of you.”

“Yeah, I know. I am amazing.”

“Ten’s rubbing off on you,” Johnny frowns. “That’s bad. You should get yourself checked up at the doctor. I know a guy.”

“No, you don’t,” Taeyong sighs. “The closest you know in medical field is a stressed-out neurology resident. He has enough in his plate, don’t burden him more.”

“You two talk as if I am not there,” Yuta rolls his eyes. “But neurology resident sounds sexy. Who is it? Introduce me to him.”

He can feel that Taeyong is looking at him weirdly, but Yuta just shrugs. Surely Taeyong knows he’s joking.

“His name is Dong Sicheng, his brother is Donghyuck’s friend. We met a few times when Donghyuck in high school because his gang kept making a mess and the headmaster insisted to call the guardian. We still keep in touch sometimes, and I invited him, too. You remember him, right, babe? Renjun’s brother?”

Taeyong’s mouth forms an ‘o’ and nods.

“Right, that could work,” Yuta says jokingly. “Introduce us after your honeymoon, okay?”

Johnny rolls his eyes. “Sure, sure.”

“I’m going to annoy Ten,” Yuta announces. “Or getting a drink. Whatever works. Congratulation, you guys. I am happy for you.”

The couple says their thanks again, now both Johnny and Taeyong look ready to cry. And Yuta really doesn’t want to be there when the couple starts being a sap. So he take his leave.

He gives a mocking salutes, and walk away from the couple. His heart is lighter, and he feels content. Everyone around him is happy. Jaehyun and Doyoung had walked off the stage when the three of them were hugging, and now the band is back and the played an upbeat song again. Yuta’s steps feel lighter, and he swear that he actually feels happier.

Well, maybe he’d spent the next few days moping, crying, and drinking. But he’ll cross the bridge when he come to it. For now, he’ll be happy for his friend. He’ll be happy for the man he loves. And tomorrow, next week, next month, and the rest of his life, he’ll be happy for himself.

.

.

.

End.


End file.
